Practicing.

I finally broke down today to a few people and cried.. and cried.  It felt VERY good to get things out.  I needed to hear things that I was doing wrong.  I also needed assurance that I am trying and that I am doing things right.  I know that it is my first week of school, however, I feel so discouraged because I wish I was better.  I feel like I have no control of this class.  I am trying everything possible that I can think of to keep up with them.  And then the problem comes that I get angry, then I raise my voice.  I get mad.  And that- is totally unacceptable.  I need to find a way to keep my cool and stay calm.  Always. Always. Alway.  Stay positive.  

Getting spiritual here.  I have always felt that my 'calling' in life is to teach.  It's the only thing that I have ever wanted to do with my life.  I have been promised that I will be an example to the children.  I am not trying to sound prideful, I am just trying to explain one reason I feel so frustrated.  I feel like.. if this is what I am supposed to be doing, then why am I so bad at it right now?

I went to my Institute class tonight and really felt spirit.  I came to a resolution that these kids need me.  I need to love them unconditionally.  In this life, we are practicing to become the very best that we can possibly be.  This life is not a test, it's practice.  I am practicing patience.  I am practicing to be a better teacher, a good parent to my future children, and a good friend to everyone around me.  And nobody is a master at something in the very beginning.  It always takes practice.

A good friend that I made this summer was very excited for me to begin teaching.  He told me there are only two careers that will exist in the afterlife.  Teaching and Farming.  Now he never explained to me the importance of farming, but I will always remember the part about teaching.  The world needs good teachers.  Our God needs good teachers.  And what I learn here in this life is what I will take me when I leave it.

I will love these children.  I will do my absolute best to build them up, to support them, be there for them.  I will help them learn and grow.  They will leave my class better that they came in, because I will work my butt off this year.  I will vow to be happy and positive.  I will continually find ways to improve my teaching and my classroom management.  I will not yell at my students.

I will just keep practicing.  :)