At my school, we have a goal to reach 90% prociency on our end of level tests. Today we analyzed the winter scores. My class is currently 16% proficient in Math and 32% proficient in Reading.
AH!!! It doesn't matter that they are 90% proficient on the District test. Noone cares that they are writing full paragraphs or mastering place value. Everything depends on a silly test they take on their own, at a computer, three times a year. Two silly tests. Reading and Math. We are forced to create these complex personal 'acceleration plans' for all of the students below benchmark. And when in the heck am I supposed to work individually with nearly every student every single day??
I felt so good about the district interim assessment (CIA) but apparently... they don't matter because I have been focusing on the wrong test- without really realizing it. 90% procifient?? Yeah. Right.
Today I gave my kids all koolaid bursts before the CIA. I told them it would make them smarter. And sure, half the tests were turned in stained with pink punch, but they loved it.
My favorite part of teaching is seeing the kids get excited about learning. One little boy is really starting to 'get it'. His eyes light up and his hand shoots into the air. I could seriously take this kid home, dress him up and stick him on a shelf. He is that cute.
We are getting ready for Valentines Day. Tomorrow we'll make the bags and have a little celebration on Thursday. One kid tried to bring Valentines last week. He had even written everyone's names on them! This is what I remember as a kids. The fun times. I know everything is so rigorous, strict, structured and forced, but I want the kids to enjoy some privilages of being in first grade.
Three and a half months. I can hardly believe it!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Yeah.. it's been a while. And here's why..
I set out to have an incredible blog to follow my 'incredible' year as a first year teacher. But.. two months in I had a nervous breakdown and pretty much quit writing. Simply because I didn't want rant a rave and cry over an internet blog. But I will explain as best as I can. This is cathartic for me.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I will be honest about what went down. The pressure got to me, my brain went crazy, the weather got colder and the days got shorter. The expectations of analyzing large amounts of data and creating complex instructional plans, being observed and being filmed started to get to me.
I went into a very dark place. It became increasingly more difficult to get up in the mornings. I had a constant stomach ache and I cried myself to sleep every night. And.. more than once I had thoughts about downing my bottle of Ambien, swerving into oncoming traffic, or slicing off my fingers in the paper slicer we keep in the faculty room. This make me sick. Looking back, I should have probably been put into therapy or possibly a behavioral unit for a few day. I still think I should probably find a good therapist. Through priesthood blessings, doubling my medication dosage and lots and lots of time praying to my Father in Heaven.. I started to fight my way back to surface.
The Holidays came and went along with crafts, sugar highs and lots and lots of testing... New students came and went. I familiarized myself with all the necessary terminology and became more confident in my lessons. I learned to communicate with my team members and accepted help from my instructional coaches.
Although my plans have changed and my future is unsure (blog posts to come), I know that I put my trust in the Lord and work as hard as I can. Things will work out and be better.
I will try to update regularly and try to fill you in on some of the events of the past few months as well as my plans for the months and years to come.
My life is a never ending road to Happiness.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I will be honest about what went down. The pressure got to me, my brain went crazy, the weather got colder and the days got shorter. The expectations of analyzing large amounts of data and creating complex instructional plans, being observed and being filmed started to get to me.
I went into a very dark place. It became increasingly more difficult to get up in the mornings. I had a constant stomach ache and I cried myself to sleep every night. And.. more than once I had thoughts about downing my bottle of Ambien, swerving into oncoming traffic, or slicing off my fingers in the paper slicer we keep in the faculty room. This make me sick. Looking back, I should have probably been put into therapy or possibly a behavioral unit for a few day. I still think I should probably find a good therapist. Through priesthood blessings, doubling my medication dosage and lots and lots of time praying to my Father in Heaven.. I started to fight my way back to surface.
The Holidays came and went along with crafts, sugar highs and lots and lots of testing... New students came and went. I familiarized myself with all the necessary terminology and became more confident in my lessons. I learned to communicate with my team members and accepted help from my instructional coaches.
Although my plans have changed and my future is unsure (blog posts to come), I know that I put my trust in the Lord and work as hard as I can. Things will work out and be better.
I will try to update regularly and try to fill you in on some of the events of the past few months as well as my plans for the months and years to come.
My life is a never ending road to Happiness.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Oops..
I get around 15 emails a day in my school email account. Emails from everyone, reminders on everything, messages that don't apply to me and random, silly quotes from the superintendent. So after talking to my team, and one of our instructional coaches about everything that I was supposed to be doing on Monday (today) I somehow forgot to read a couple of important emails. So at 8:15 this morning a substitute walked into my classroom and informed she was was taking my class for the day... what??
Apparently I was scheduled to attend a Singapore math training at the district office, in 20 minutes. I have been teaching for a little over a month and already have been responsible for 3 different sub plans. None of these absences were planned. I am so mad at myself for not realizing this and for not having read through my emails closer. However, there was no verbal communication. I went about planning for the day. I was supposed to have some hard core review on number bonds for the retest tomorrow. I didn't have perfectly scripted lesson plans. I had notes but nothing that would be easy for a sub to follow!
The training was actually really, really good. Singapore Math is an amazing program that is so much fun. It is all about 'the why before the how'. We use lots of manipulaties and varying strategies of solving problems. We went through the entire year's curriculum and discusses ways to teach the material. It was awesome. I just wish I was more prepared.
There is SO much to do! My grade book isn't even set up because we can't figure it out!
So I need to always be prepared with some sort of emergency sub plan. I know I need one, I just haven't had the time or the thought to remember and make it.
I do love the kids. And we're having a great time. I have always been impatient with myself. I wish that I was just naturally good at everything. I hate learning.. and failing... and learning again. Our principal with do these random, unannounced five minute observations. Thankfully, none of these observations can go on our record for about another month. So right now is strictly a period to really, really make sure I know what I'm doing. I had one of those 5 minute evaluations and the things we are expected to do it tough to completely implement. So I get to go and observe a class for a little while tomorrow. Just keep learning and just keep swimming and just keep smiling!!
Apparently I was scheduled to attend a Singapore math training at the district office, in 20 minutes. I have been teaching for a little over a month and already have been responsible for 3 different sub plans. None of these absences were planned. I am so mad at myself for not realizing this and for not having read through my emails closer. However, there was no verbal communication. I went about planning for the day. I was supposed to have some hard core review on number bonds for the retest tomorrow. I didn't have perfectly scripted lesson plans. I had notes but nothing that would be easy for a sub to follow!
The training was actually really, really good. Singapore Math is an amazing program that is so much fun. It is all about 'the why before the how'. We use lots of manipulaties and varying strategies of solving problems. We went through the entire year's curriculum and discusses ways to teach the material. It was awesome. I just wish I was more prepared.
There is SO much to do! My grade book isn't even set up because we can't figure it out!
So I need to always be prepared with some sort of emergency sub plan. I know I need one, I just haven't had the time or the thought to remember and make it.
I do love the kids. And we're having a great time. I have always been impatient with myself. I wish that I was just naturally good at everything. I hate learning.. and failing... and learning again. Our principal with do these random, unannounced five minute observations. Thankfully, none of these observations can go on our record for about another month. So right now is strictly a period to really, really make sure I know what I'm doing. I had one of those 5 minute evaluations and the things we are expected to do it tough to completely implement. So I get to go and observe a class for a little while tomorrow. Just keep learning and just keep swimming and just keep smiling!!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
MY classroom! :D
I have been in first grade one week. I began with the help of a wonderful woman who has experience teaching first grade. I went back to 'Student Teacher' status. I watched, helped the class and set up my classroom while she did the planning and the teaching. I was very grateful for this help and it was nice to have a break to set up my room and get in the groove. It was also difficult not be in control. I understand that the school has been helping me, because fourth grade was sort of a disaster. I am SO ready and SO excited to start teaching all by my self next week.
The teacher who had the room before me left most of the classroom set up. She is letting me borrow a few things that she doesn't need in Kinder, but I am trying to give it my own style and create my own stuff so that I can return all of hers. First grade is AMAZING! The are so sweet, so eager to learn and easier to manage. Of course their are naughty kids but somehow, even when they are naughty, they are super cute still! I have 23 students and only 5 girls!
The curriculum is different. I am not teaching science. We focus mainly on language arts and math. We have set up small groups for intervention that we start next week. The kids have procedures down pretty well but there will be things that I will change. I love having a rug in the back of the room. We are always going from the desks to the rug, standing up, sitting down, partners, games, circles. First graders have short attention spans and I try to switch up the activities every 10-15 minutes. On Friday we sat in a circle to practice of short a sound. I have a Mickey Mouse doll that they got to pass around. They loved it!
It is interesting to get to know a new grade level team. They are very organized and my team leader has been a huge help in getting me all the files that I need. We meet every day for a little bit after school. It is very nice.
I am stating my first year teacher stuff soon. I have a mentor that I work with. I need to begin creating an electronic portfolio and I even have to take a video of myself teaching! Yikes!
I am very excited for next week. It will be fun!
The teacher who had the room before me left most of the classroom set up. She is letting me borrow a few things that she doesn't need in Kinder, but I am trying to give it my own style and create my own stuff so that I can return all of hers. First grade is AMAZING! The are so sweet, so eager to learn and easier to manage. Of course their are naughty kids but somehow, even when they are naughty, they are super cute still! I have 23 students and only 5 girls!
The curriculum is different. I am not teaching science. We focus mainly on language arts and math. We have set up small groups for intervention that we start next week. The kids have procedures down pretty well but there will be things that I will change. I love having a rug in the back of the room. We are always going from the desks to the rug, standing up, sitting down, partners, games, circles. First graders have short attention spans and I try to switch up the activities every 10-15 minutes. On Friday we sat in a circle to practice of short a sound. I have a Mickey Mouse doll that they got to pass around. They loved it!
It is interesting to get to know a new grade level team. They are very organized and my team leader has been a huge help in getting me all the files that I need. We meet every day for a little bit after school. It is very nice.
I am stating my first year teacher stuff soon. I have a mentor that I work with. I need to begin creating an electronic portfolio and I even have to take a video of myself teaching! Yikes!
I am very excited for next week. It will be fun!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
hmm.. Thanks Grandma ;)
So this story actually begins on Monday night. I was coming off an another stressful, exhausting day. I am breaking my back trying to work with this class. I am trying everything, I am am working SO hard. And yet.. I just can't do it. I'll admit it. This class is hard, the kids are hard, the curriculum is hard. And as much as I love teaching and most of the class- I was coming home everyday with a pounding headache, a bitter attitude and feeling highly discouraged. So maybe this just isn't the class for me. I have been praying so hard, trying to figure this out, trying to understand. And I know my prayers have been answered.
I was riding my bike. I was thinking of my Grandma Johnson. She taught 1st grade for thirty years and she was my everything. She passed away when I was ten. As I grow up and begin my teaching career I miss her sooo much. I rode to her house. Parked my bike on the street and just stared at it. I sat there, remembering her and our talks we had together. I didn't cry- I just sat at thought- wishing that I could talk to her, that she could help me through this. I know she watches over me and helps me and I know that she must have pulled some strings. :)
The next morning I receive an email sent to the entire staff from one our kindergarten teachers. She had very suddenly accepted a job at another school and she took it. The next morning, Wednesday, we receive another email explaining that because of enrollment and school grant money reasons that our school cannot hire another teacher. Arrangements would have to be make and many options were being taken into consideration. I didn't really think anything of this. An few hours later, after a stressful and very confusing team PLC meeting, my principal pulls me aside and asks me if I want the position. Unfortunately, I am not licensed to teach kindergarten.
So things are switched very suddenly. Our first grade teacher is switched to that kindergarten position and I am asked to teach first grade. My class will be split up and the fourth and fifth grade classes will be rearranged.
I am blown away. I have always wanted to teach first grade and everyone agrees: This is where I'm supposed to me. Today was my last day in fourth- tomorrow I enter first. Wow.
I don't want to feel like I have 'failed' the fourth grade. This change needed to happen for things to be better- I haven't failed, I'm simply finding a new way. A better way, something that I hope will be a good change. Thankfully, I have a mentor to help me the first few weeks. I will simply observing and helping tomorrow, and slowly take over the class. I feel a little like I'm back to being a student teacher.
Maybe this is where I was supposed to be all along. I am going from a Fourth Grade Nothing to a First Grade Something. And I'm pretty sure Grandma has something to do with it.. ;)
I was riding my bike. I was thinking of my Grandma Johnson. She taught 1st grade for thirty years and she was my everything. She passed away when I was ten. As I grow up and begin my teaching career I miss her sooo much. I rode to her house. Parked my bike on the street and just stared at it. I sat there, remembering her and our talks we had together. I didn't cry- I just sat at thought- wishing that I could talk to her, that she could help me through this. I know she watches over me and helps me and I know that she must have pulled some strings. :)
The next morning I receive an email sent to the entire staff from one our kindergarten teachers. She had very suddenly accepted a job at another school and she took it. The next morning, Wednesday, we receive another email explaining that because of enrollment and school grant money reasons that our school cannot hire another teacher. Arrangements would have to be make and many options were being taken into consideration. I didn't really think anything of this. An few hours later, after a stressful and very confusing team PLC meeting, my principal pulls me aside and asks me if I want the position. Unfortunately, I am not licensed to teach kindergarten.
So things are switched very suddenly. Our first grade teacher is switched to that kindergarten position and I am asked to teach first grade. My class will be split up and the fourth and fifth grade classes will be rearranged.
I am blown away. I have always wanted to teach first grade and everyone agrees: This is where I'm supposed to me. Today was my last day in fourth- tomorrow I enter first. Wow.
I don't want to feel like I have 'failed' the fourth grade. This change needed to happen for things to be better- I haven't failed, I'm simply finding a new way. A better way, something that I hope will be a good change. Thankfully, I have a mentor to help me the first few weeks. I will simply observing and helping tomorrow, and slowly take over the class. I feel a little like I'm back to being a student teacher.
Maybe this is where I was supposed to be all along. I am going from a Fourth Grade Nothing to a First Grade Something. And I'm pretty sure Grandma has something to do with it.. ;)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Going with the Spirit.
This weekend was absolutely wonderful. I had a chance to lay back and relax, hang out with my friends and family and take some time for myself. I listened to some amazing lessons in church and read a conference talk that has really had me thinking.
Here's the link..
Elder Scott's talk- read it! It's super, super good.
Elder Richard G. Scott gave a fabulous talk in General Conference last April. He spoke about gaining inspiration and revelation. I feel as though that is something I am dire need right now. If I can keep the Spirit with me always and listening to the quiet promptings that it gives me, I know that I can be a much better teacher. I will be more confident, ideas will come easier to me, I will be happier and I will truly see these children though Christlist eyes. The Holy Ghost will give us direction in our lives for anything that we need. We simply need to be worthy to receive it.
This talk outlines much of how I am trying to really live my life right now- and how I always should. I have gotten so busy and so stressed that my scripture study and prayer have been.. sad to say it- not as good as they should be. In order to have the Spirit with me and receive inspiration and revelation I must:
Study the scriptures, pray and ask for guidance.
Keep my cool- strive to put away feelings of offense, hurt and anger.
Be happy and keep an appropriate sense of humor.
Exercise, sleep and eat properly.
Listen and recognize the promptings of the Holy Spirt.
I am also trying to take time for my self and for my friends.
I will:
Wake up early and be at the school early to plan my lessons and set up my classroom.
Stay after school to clean the room, meet with my team, and put in grades.
Say a prayer before class starts and after class ends- pouring out my heart and soul.
Do piano lessons.
Ride my bike or take a 20 minute walk.
Practice the piano for 20 minutes.
Read 20 minutes.
Shower at night- it helps me sleep better.
Blog or write in my journal daily.
Study my scriptures.
Today went well and I did it all. Let's see if I can do it tomorrow!
Here's the link..
Elder Scott's talk- read it! It's super, super good.
Elder Richard G. Scott gave a fabulous talk in General Conference last April. He spoke about gaining inspiration and revelation. I feel as though that is something I am dire need right now. If I can keep the Spirit with me always and listening to the quiet promptings that it gives me, I know that I can be a much better teacher. I will be more confident, ideas will come easier to me, I will be happier and I will truly see these children though Christlist eyes. The Holy Ghost will give us direction in our lives for anything that we need. We simply need to be worthy to receive it.
This talk outlines much of how I am trying to really live my life right now- and how I always should. I have gotten so busy and so stressed that my scripture study and prayer have been.. sad to say it- not as good as they should be. In order to have the Spirit with me and receive inspiration and revelation I must:
Study the scriptures, pray and ask for guidance.
Keep my cool- strive to put away feelings of offense, hurt and anger.
Be happy and keep an appropriate sense of humor.
Exercise, sleep and eat properly.
Listen and recognize the promptings of the Holy Spirt.
I am also trying to take time for my self and for my friends.
I will:
Wake up early and be at the school early to plan my lessons and set up my classroom.
Stay after school to clean the room, meet with my team, and put in grades.
Say a prayer before class starts and after class ends- pouring out my heart and soul.
Do piano lessons.
Ride my bike or take a 20 minute walk.
Practice the piano for 20 minutes.
Read 20 minutes.
Shower at night- it helps me sleep better.
Blog or write in my journal daily.
Study my scriptures.
Today went well and I did it all. Let's see if I can do it tomorrow!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Hot Cheetos and Takis
I love my students. I have worked in a Title One school before and I have learned to truly appreciate these children because of their resiliency. The school is 100% poverty. Lunch and breakfast are given away for free. Homes are broken, there is often little home support, and I've been bombarded by learning some of the sad situations of my students. For this reason I must love them even more. I hope that this love will overcome my frustration with them. I just have to keep working!!!
My kids are fighters. Last week two boys started beating each other up because one snuck out during centers and stole the other boy's hot cheetos. Let me me show you a taste of what my students are like.. :)
Hot Cheetos and Takis
For some reason, nearly every kid in the school is obsessed with Hot Cheetos. We have to remind them during morning announcements to not bring them to school. I can't eat them. WAY too hot for me. I don't have their hot and spicy spanish taste buds!
I love my kids. They are wearing me out but they are funny, sweet and fascinating. I'll keep them.
:)
My kids are fighters. Last week two boys started beating each other up because one snuck out during centers and stole the other boy's hot cheetos. Let me me show you a taste of what my students are like.. :)
Hot Cheetos and Takis
For some reason, nearly every kid in the school is obsessed with Hot Cheetos. We have to remind them during morning announcements to not bring them to school. I can't eat them. WAY too hot for me. I don't have their hot and spicy spanish taste buds!
I love my kids. They are wearing me out but they are funny, sweet and fascinating. I'll keep them.
:)
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